I punched myself in the face!

I started to title this "No Good deed goes unpunished" but I realized that I did not really know what that meant. A quick Google search yielded more than a few sites where the topic is "What does no good deed goes unpunished mean?". What I found is that not only are there several opinions on what this means, there are also some discussion on who actually said it. So, I decided to title it, I punched myself in the face.


The last time I was at DFW Airport, I was headed to the Skylink station to get from Terminal B to Terminal C and my flight back to Austin. I was almost to the escalators when an old man (older than me) caught my attention. I could tell that he was sort of confused and not sure if he should get on the escalator. He wanted to get to Terminal D so I told him that he was headed in the right direction. I told him that if he felt safer, there was also an elevator that would take him up to the Skylink station. He said no, and that he was fine with the "moving stairs". I walked beside him and led him to the escalator. I could tell that he was uneasy about getting on so I held his arm and helped lead him on. He quickly grabbed the handrails. caught his balance and steadied himself against the momentum of the stairs. I stepped on several steps behind him. I was watching him and came to the realization that someday, I will be in his shoes, so I was glad that I helped him and I wondered if when I got that age, will someone help me? As we were riding the stairs up, he dropped his attaché case. It did not go far, it just dropped at his feet. Slowly, he braced himself with one hand and bent over to pick it up with the other. As he strained against the forward motion of the escalator and the power he needed to bend over, he let loose with a rather large fart. Not small and quiet, but big and loud.

Quick break for a physics lesson. Newton's First law of motion says that a body in a state of motion tends to remain in motion unless an external force is applied to it. Newton's Third Law of Motion says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, by applying Newton's First and Third law, I came up with Opre's Theory of Stalled State Air which states that if you fart on an escalator, the fart ceases all motion, and just hangs in the air. It is also known as "Something wicked this way comes" by everyone else coming up from behind.


Okay, back to DFW,, I do not know if Opre's Theory of Stalled State Air is provable or not but in the fraction of a second that I established the theory, I also formulated my defensive tactics to avoid the oncoming odor, which was basically to flail my arms around in a fanning motion. So, as the escalator carried me forward into the danger zone, I started swinging my arms around wildly as if I was swatting at an attacking bee. That is when I punched myself in the face.

The Fountain of Youth

While traveling,  I think I have discovered the long lost Fountain of Youth!!! Well, it is not really a fountain, it is more like a portal, no it is not really a portal either, it is a metal detector, the Metal Detector of Youth. You see what I noticed is that on one side of the TSA screening process, there is a line of adults. They are orderly and are following directions. They managed to get to the airport by obeying signals and following directions. Somehow after they pass through the Metal Detector of Youth, and get on the secure side of the airport, they become little kids. They still have their adult bodies but if you watch closely you will see that they take on all the traits of a small kid. Here is what I noticed:

1. They do not listen to instructions. In the boarding area, the gate agent instructs everyone, "Please do not stand in front of the gate, we will be boarding by groups. You can get in line when your group number is called". What do all the adults do? They stand in front of the gate. Even though they are in Group 3,287 , they stand in the way. And, just like kids, they are oblivious to all traffic around them.
2. They do not know how to count. Walking down the aisle, with ticket in hand, they stop every two steps to look at their ticket seat number, then they look up at the row numbers. Take two steps, stop, check the ticket ,, check the row. Two more steps, double check ticket, double check the row number. For some reason, these adults lost the comprehension that row numbers are sequential and that the ticket will not change. Also, they seem, to think that the airline might be playing a trick on them and might rearrange the seat letters. I think they double check it because they are afraid, one row might be seats A, B, C, D, E and F,, the next row will have seats X, R, the symbol for Pi, T and a seat named Rodney.
3. They lost the ability to recognize spatial limitations. There will be an overhead compartment with enough space available to fit a shoebox. People will get on the plane and try to squeeze their carry-on luggage into that space. When that does not work, they try staring at it. When staring at the opening does not work they look around, open a few other compartments and then go right back and try to fit their bag into the shoebox size opening, again. Sometimes they turn the bag around, as if that will reduce it's size. In one direction the suitcase might be 3 feet in length but when you turn it around, it becomes 2 feet in length. Suddenly they are David Copperfield.
4. Déjà-vu,, They do not listen to instructions. Several times during the boarding process, you will hear the flight attendant say, put your roller boards into the overhead compartment on the D-E-F side of the plane, wheels first. We can accommodate more luggage's that way. If you brought on more than one carry-on, the smaller of the two, does under the seat in front of you. Please keel you coats in you lap until everyone has had a chance to put their bags in the overheads". I have heard this hundreds of times and hundreds of times, I watch the "adults" completely ignore the instructions. All their bags, coats, computers and possibly their shoes and pants, end up in the overhead. Meanwhile, as more people get on, they run out of overhead space because people have put all their worldly possessions in the overhead compartments.  Maybe the airlines should take a page out of the Montessori Method and teach passengers about shared spaces.

There are plenty of other examples that I could relate but I have to turn off my computer now, pack it up and move. Seems that I sat in the wrong seat.  Doh!!!

New Years Resolutions

Resolutions usually come with some kind of deadline.   On such and such a date, I resolves to quit smoking, or on 31st of February, I will change my diet and lose weight.  The most famous and most common date for resolutions is New Years day.  It is so famous and is so ingrained into our culture that companies have huge marketing campaigns around it.  Auto company's, fitness companies, wight loss programs,, all have some kind of campaign to capitalize on the pressure people put on themselves to have a New Years Resolution.  Sad to say, I am no different, I have made many New Years resolutions.  Most of the time, I falter within a few days of starting a resolution, or in most cases, I never actually take the plunge and commit to the resolution.  It may be middle of May and I am still chewing on other peoples nails, regardless that I promised to not do that in the new year.   This year is different.  This year I resolved and committed myself to writing more. I want to jot down more of my thoughts, opinions, and stories.  Oops, nix the writing about thoughts,, no material.   I really enjoy writing but have always been apprehensive about putting it out there.  I am always afraid of being judged.  In some cases this fear of judgement by others is good. As an example, it is one of the things that keeps me from streaking.  So, anyway, this year I resolved to write more.  I am happy to report that I am right one schedule.  After a long absence and one day into the new year and I have written the first of many updates.    Happy Chinese New Year everyone,

Lu Chow "Skipper" Huang