I punched myself in the face!

I started to title this "No Good deed goes unpunished" but I realized that I did not really know what that meant. A quick Google search yielded more than a few sites where the topic is "What does no good deed goes unpunished mean?". What I found is that not only are there several opinions on what this means, there are also some discussion on who actually said it. So, I decided to title it, I punched myself in the face.


The last time I was at DFW Airport, I was headed to the Skylink station to get from Terminal B to Terminal C and my flight back to Austin. I was almost to the escalators when an old man (older than me) caught my attention. I could tell that he was sort of confused and not sure if he should get on the escalator. He wanted to get to Terminal D so I told him that he was headed in the right direction. I told him that if he felt safer, there was also an elevator that would take him up to the Skylink station. He said no, and that he was fine with the "moving stairs". I walked beside him and led him to the escalator. I could tell that he was uneasy about getting on so I held his arm and helped lead him on. He quickly grabbed the handrails. caught his balance and steadied himself against the momentum of the stairs. I stepped on several steps behind him. I was watching him and came to the realization that someday, I will be in his shoes, so I was glad that I helped him and I wondered if when I got that age, will someone help me? As we were riding the stairs up, he dropped his attaché case. It did not go far, it just dropped at his feet. Slowly, he braced himself with one hand and bent over to pick it up with the other. As he strained against the forward motion of the escalator and the power he needed to bend over, he let loose with a rather large fart. Not small and quiet, but big and loud.

Quick break for a physics lesson. Newton's First law of motion says that a body in a state of motion tends to remain in motion unless an external force is applied to it. Newton's Third Law of Motion says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So, by applying Newton's First and Third law, I came up with Opre's Theory of Stalled State Air which states that if you fart on an escalator, the fart ceases all motion, and just hangs in the air. It is also known as "Something wicked this way comes" by everyone else coming up from behind.


Okay, back to DFW,, I do not know if Opre's Theory of Stalled State Air is provable or not but in the fraction of a second that I established the theory, I also formulated my defensive tactics to avoid the oncoming odor, which was basically to flail my arms around in a fanning motion. So, as the escalator carried me forward into the danger zone, I started swinging my arms around wildly as if I was swatting at an attacking bee. That is when I punched myself in the face.